This I Have Learned

    

To be completely honest, everytime I think back on my high school experience it brings up more instances of anxiety than anything else. Most of my fondest memories come from lunch with my friends, and that’s where it ends. I was never able to completely enjoy school because of anxiety and severe perfectionism, if it wasn’t an A, it wasn’t good enough. I spent my high school career placing my worth in my grades, and the funny part is that it was never because of my parents, they were always telling me to take a chill pill when it came to school, but there were no chill pills for me. It wasn’t until quarantine when I finally had the time to reflect that maybe all these things I despised about myself could be turned into strengths instead.

One thing I have continuously struggled with since I was a child is perfectionism. My earliest memory I have of my childhood is when I was 5 and I was making pottery. I had envisioned making this perfect pot like in the picture on the box, however, when my little 5 year old hands weren't able to make that perfectly pictured pot I completely broke down. In high school this perfectionism has translated into my assignments and my GPA. It has even affected my handwriting. If I don't like the way I wrote a word, i'll erase it, and rewrite it. Perfectionism has always been something I've hated because it was never in my control. However, the nearing of college has warned me to start viewing my weaknesses as strengths so that I may enjoy the rest of my educational career. It’s taken a lot of practice, but my senior year has taught me that my perfectionism has been my number one motivator. I have given my all to every assignment and it has taught me to value all my work, which in turn has reflected in my grades. Without it I may not be where I am today, and I am proud of how far we’ve all come. 

It’s crazy to think high school is almost over, it feels like it just started a year ago tops. It still hasn't processed in my brain that we're all going to college, and it probably won't hit until i've moved into my dorm and then it will just become a fever dream. I’m excited to see where life will take all of us after high school, and I will miss our class of 2021.